Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
