I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
smell my finger.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
