I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
