it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How does one acquire holy water?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
