Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
