Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
