We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
