The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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