apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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