so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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