All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
