areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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