i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
