escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
