I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
