can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize