I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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