john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
