I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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