Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
