I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
