i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
