I can text with my tongue
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
