And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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