Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
