We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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