your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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