she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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