I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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