Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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