I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
