What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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