I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
