god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
