I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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