Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
