there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
