Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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