There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
