whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
