that's an acceptable place to lick
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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