sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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