I wanna bring you to show and tell
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
