my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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