I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
