I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
