1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
