I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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