the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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