I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
