I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
