We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
