my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
