billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
NoShamevember. You game?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
