Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The power of my boobs compel you
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
