I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize