nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
