The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
