Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you inspire me to be a worse person
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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