you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
