My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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