hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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