Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
