I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
