forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
