he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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