i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
