dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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