Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize