I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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