I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
