Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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