just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
